A mother would rather bear the burden of hurt than see her child in pain. To watch the effects of a divorce on her children can almost crush a mother. If you are in this situation, don’t give up yet. Here are some ways to handle divorce as the mother in the situation.

Seek support. The person that you love or loved is leaving, and that is a devastating thing for anyone. The break-up of the family home may be due to drug or alcohol abuse. It could also be due to physical, sexual or mental abuse. In these situations, getting away from the abusive spouse is imperative, but that doesn’t make the situation any easier to handle.

Until any custody hearings are held, children usually stay with the mother. On a daily basis, you will be the one fielding the questions about the divorce. It will be painful to have to talk about it day in and day out without help.

Seek a friend who can be a sounding board for you. The friend should be someone who is neutral in the relationship between you and your husband. Talk to a counselor. Unloading your emotional baggage with this person will prevent you from doing so with your kids. It wouldn’t be intentional to burden your kids with your feelings, but it can easily happen if you don’t find an outlet.

Join a divorce group. Other women who have dealt with the issues that you are now facing can give you advice. These groups can also help with advice about legal issues and custody of the children.

Take care of yourself. As a mother, you need to take care of yourself. The weeks and months ahead will be filled with arbitration, court appearances, and other people delving into your personal life. Your health is important if you are going to survive the mental challenges. Exercise whenever you can find the time. It could be early in the morning before the kids wake up or during your lunch hour.

Try to maintain a normal home environment. If you need to cry, go in your room and shut the door so the kids don’t see you. They may feel pressured to push their feelings aside and tend to you. Instead, be available for them when they want to talk.

Deal with each day as it comes. You will likely have days that are good and really bad ones. Lean on your support network. If you need time alone, call on your family or a friend to sit with the kids while you take some time out for yourself. A massage can soothe away the tension in those muscles and help you to clear your head.

Divorces leave broken pieces in their wake. Families are damaged, but as a mom you can help the healing begin. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who will assist you.

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